She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
