she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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