You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
