Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Randomize
