Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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