i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
