can u get pink eye on your cock?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
