he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
