I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
