What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
