If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
