I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
