I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she pinky promised me she was 18
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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