It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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