i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
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We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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