Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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