Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
