Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My pussy is not your playground.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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