Umm I'm too high to move.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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