brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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