she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
