Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
