I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
