sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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