Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
