Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
