i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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