My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
