What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
