Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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