this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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