I just made out with a guy for $7.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
