if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
