I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
