Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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