Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
