Pants 0. Shit 1.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
