i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
