whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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