I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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