I CAN MOONWALK!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
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Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize