A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
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Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
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Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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