did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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