apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
