I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
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i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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