She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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