I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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