You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
