My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
