My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
