If i could tip my vagina, i would.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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