i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
