I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
