Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
