First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize