I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
