yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
