Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
