you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
