Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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