Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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