Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
