Just cropdusted the office
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My ass is underappreciated
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
