24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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