It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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