Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
