i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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