Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
