I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
