I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
