I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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