Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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