apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Less talking, more tequila
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
