I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
