So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
