He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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