I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
