Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
