connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize