i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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