if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
