paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
