Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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