Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
