You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize