when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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