Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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