all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
