how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
