Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
